In this article Fr. speaks about FORGIVENESS. This aspect is very important for our growth in spirituality and Christian life. In the Bible we read many times about forgiving our enemies.

It is not just to forgive, but Jesus said we should love our enemies. Loving our enemies is greater than forgiving them. We should not keep any grudge against our enemies. It is very difficult and challenging to follow it. Many of us face this problem in life. 

One day a lady came to Fr. and told him “Fr. I always forgive my husband but he always takes my forgiveness for granted”. Many people go through similar situations. Fr. too has gone through such experiences.

When Fr. Joseph was in the first year of the seminary life, there were around 30 seminarians. Out of the 30, 28 were very good to Fr. But one seminarian used to irritate Fr. a lot. Fr. was only 15 years old at that time and also new in the seminary. 

It was very difficult for Fr. to bear the insults and humiliations caused by that person. Fr. always tried to avoid him because he knew he would insult and humiliate him again. But that boy would somehow find him and humiliate him.

This went on for many weeks. Fr. was losing his patience and self control. One day Fr. lost his patience and got angry on him. He spoke harshly to him. But that guy was very strong. He abused and hurt Fr Joseph. 

Fr. felt very bad and tried to keep a distance from him. But he knew he could not keep the anger inside and go on. So, he went to his Spiritual Fr. and told him that he could not go on with this anger and he was suffering because of it. 

Then his Spiritual Fr. said “my dear child, you should forgive him and ask forgiveness from him, because you got angry on him”. 

So, Fr. Joseph went to that boy and told him, “My dear friend I am sorry because I kept anger against you. I was so angry with you that I could not forgive you. I am feeling bad for it. So, please forgive me”. Actually, it was that boy who hurt and humiliated Fr. But instead of saying sorry to Fr. he said “ok do not repeat it”.

Though Fr. Joseph was the one who was hurt, he took the initiative to forgive him and ask for forgiveness. He did this because his Spiritual Fr. told him to do so. But the boy was taking Fr. Joseph for granted.

After some days that boy did the same thing again. He insulted Fr. in front of many seminarians. Fr. Joseph was so angry he went back to his Spiritual Fr. and told him that the boy had misbehaved again and he could not take it anymore. He told his Spiritual Fr. to speak to the boy regarding his behaviour.  

Then his Spiritual Fr. asked him “my dear son do you want to become a very good priest or just a priest”? Fr. Joseph told him that he wanted to be a very good priest. So, the Spiritual Fr. said that he would have to forgive the boy again. 

So, Fr. Joseph asked as to how long should he forgive him? Then his Spiritual Fr. told him, he should forgive him 70 times seven. That is what Jesus has taught us. 

Fr. felt very bad and was angry with Jesus. He felt it was easy for Jesus to preach but very difficult for us to follow. 

Fr. Joseph wanted to be a good priest, so he went back to that boy and asked for forgiveness. That boy turned to him and said “how long will you ask for forgiveness? You have to try and change yourself.” Instead of regretting his act, the boy behaved as though Fr. was wrong and he was right.

Fr Joseph knew that the boy was wrong but still he kept quite when he told Fr. not to repeat his mistake. Fr. did not react to him and returned to his room. 

Fr. felt that the boy was taking him for granted. The more Fr. was asking for forgiveness, the more arrogant he was becoming. But because his Spiritual Fr. had asked him to forgive the boy, he forgave him again.

After a few days again that boy insulted Fr. publicly. Fr. was very angry and hurt, so he ran to his Spiritual Fr. and told him in a loud voice “Fr., either he or I will remain in this seminary.” 

Fr. knew that they would not send him out of the seminary because everybody was fed up with the other boy. So, he thought they would send that boy out of the seminary. 

Then his Spiritual Fr. told him “my dear son, he is not tired of doing bad to you. Why are you tired of doing good to him? He is so committed, faithful and sincere in doing bad. But you are not committed, faithful and sincere in doing good to him. He is very faithful in his acts. So, he is more eligible to be in the seminary. Do not get tired of doing good to others.” 

Even if someone’s wife or someone’s husband is taking their partner for granted, and if it is you who always takes the initiative to say sorry, do it. Do not get tired to do so.

If they are faithful in doing bad to you, you must be faithful in doing good to them. Forgive them. This is the teaching which God has given to us and our fruit will come from heaven.

Matthew 6: 14:15- If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Galatians 6: 8-9 if you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh, but if you sow to the spirit, you will reap eternal life from the spirit. So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up.

The Lord is telling us not to be weary in doing what is right, as we will reap at harvest time if we do not give up. According to God, we should not give up. If we give up, we will lose our harvest, our blessings. 

We have to be faithful in doing good. It is very easy to commit sin but it is very difficult to do good. For e.g. to climb a 10-storey building, you need either a staircase, ladder or a lift but in order to come down you do not need anything, you just need to jump. It is very simple.

So, it is very easy to fall into sin. You just have to jump. But we will not be able to handle the consequences. To climb up we need some equipment. It means if you want to do good, you need the grace of God.

It is very easy to commit sin but it is very difficult to do good. If we want to do evil, we are capable of doing it without assistance. But to do good, we need the grace of God.

All the good things come from God. If God is not there in us, it is difficult to grow spiritually. We need this supernatural ladder from heaven. Only then can we grow.

So, if we are tired of doing good it means we are lacking the grace of God. If we are giving up forgiveness, love and compassion, it means God’s grace is absent in us.  We need extraordinary grace to forgive. Only a spiritual person can forgive others.

James 4: 1-2 Those conflicts and disputes among you, where do they come from? Do they not come from your cravings that are at war within you? You want something and do not have it; so you commit murder. And you covet^, something and cannot obtain it; so, you engage in disputes and conflicts. You do not have, because you do not ask.

In some families there are so many fights between them. The conflicts sometimes are for the smallest reason. They cannot live without disputes. It is because there are some cravings that are at war within us.

It is because there is something we want but cannot get it. Sometimes people commit murder. When they do not get what they want, they can also commit murder. Some may do it for power, or money, position, acceptance, for love, etc. 

Fr. George Panickal, in one of his talks gave an example that touched Fr. Joseph. He said many people tell him “Fr. he hurt me. He abused and insulted me. I have not done anything wrong to him. I never hurt him. I was good to him but he hurt me. If he wants let him ask forgiveness first. Why do I ask for forgiveness? I am innocent.”

Many people have not forgiven their own family members. They are waiting for them to come and ask forgiveness first. They give the excuse saying they are innocent. They have not done anything wrong. 

They want that the other person should come and say sorry because he or she is wrong not them. They feel since it is their mistake, let them come. 

Let us take an example: Suppose Jeremiah has a fight with Fr. Joseph after which they hate each other. Jeremiah waits for an opportunity to attack Fr. and take revenge.

One day as Fr. is engrossed in preaching, Jeremiah gets the opportunity. He removes a rotten egg from his pocket and throws it on Fr. Joseph’s face. It shocks everyone including Fr. After that he escapes and runs away from there. He feels happy, that he could take revenge on Fr.

Now Fr. is standing in front of the people with the rotten egg all over his face. He says to the crowd – “See what Jeremiah has done to me. You all are my witnesses. I have decided that I will not wash my face as I am innocent. He is at fault. He has done this. It is his mistake. Now let him come and wash my face. I am not going to move from here. I will stand at the altar till he comes.”

The whole crowd supports Fr. Joseph. They tell him that he is right and Jeremiah should come and wash Fr.’s face. Fr. Joseph is waiting for Jeremiah to come and wash his face. But what is Jeremiah doing? He is celebrating his victory with his family in some restaurant. He is happy that he took revenge on Fr. 

The people wait with Fr. for one day. By the next day one by one they start getting up and move farther away from Fr. The rotten egg’s smell is too much for the people to bear. 

The third day, people come near the door and peep inside. From far they tell Fr. to be there and wait for Jeremiah to come and wash his face. Slowly everyone leaves Fr. alone as the stench is unbearable.

When Jeremiah comes to know about this, he is very happy. He is enjoying himself and joyful that everyone has left Fr. and he is alone now. 

If you reflect on this, you will see that Fr. Joseph is the loser here. The one who did wrong is enjoying himself. He is happy.

Let us look at this whole episode from another perspective. If on the other hand Fr. Joseph, instead of getting angry on Jeremiah, had to forgive him and tell him that he still loves him, Jeremiah would not have slept peacefully from that day. This response would have haunted and disturbed him and made him ask for forgiveness from Fr.

When you have similar experiences, you should take the initiative to forgive your enemies – even if they have done something wrong. When you do not forgive and carry unforgiveness and anger with you, it is as good as carrying a rotten egg on your face. 

One by one, everyone will leave you. Eventually, your friends and all those close to you will distance themselves from you. No one will interact with you.

No one comes to the person who has hatred or unforgiveness in their heart. It is difficult to live with such people. You cannot even stay with them for one hour, because their behavior stinks with anger and hatred.

Some families are struggling because of unforgiveness. Even if one of them is carrying unforgiveness inside, it is very difficult for the others to live with that person. 

Luke 17: 4And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.”

Hebrews 12:3 -4 – Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

Hence, in our struggle against sin, we should go on forgiving again and again. Jesus went on forgiving. He shed his last drop of blood for us. We should follow our Master. We are all followers of this Master and so are called to forgive till our last breath.

Roman 12: 20 – No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.”

When in the above example, Jeremiah threw the rotten egg on Fr.’s face, he never came to wash Fr.’s face. In the same way, your enemies will never come and ask for forgiveness. 

If they do not come, you are the loser. You will be messing up your life. You will lose not only your life but also the friendship, family life, etc.

Though you are innocent and have not done anything wrong, but because you are carrying unforgiveness inside, your life will be a mess. 

If you really want to come out of forgiveness, the best option is to forgive instantly. Look at the person and tell the person ‘I still love you.’ After that he will be carrying coals of fire on his head. 

It is not easy to forgive. But we should forgive or else we will lose our grace. Even if the other person has done something wrong, we should take the initiative and ask for forgiveness. 

Then we will be victorious and successful. We will come out of all our problems and rejoice. The person whom you have forgiven will not be able to sleep. He will have to come to ask you for forgiveness.

Colossians 3:13 –Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another; forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Ephesians 4:31-32Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger, and wrangling and slander, together with all malice and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.

Daniel 9:9-10. To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against him, and have not obeyed the voice of the Lord our God by following his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.

Mark 11:25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”

Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven;

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

The Lord says if you really want to forgive your enemies then love your enemies and pray for them. If your spouse is persecuting you, pray for your spouse. Continue forgiving because this is what the Lord says.

Genesis 4:7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.

If you do well by forgiving and accepting your enemies, will you not be accepted by God? But if you keep anger and revenge, the sin is lurking at the door. You must overcome it.

This is the time when we should ask forgiveness. Let us bring to mind all those who have hurt us. Even if they have done something terribly wrong, and you are waiting for them to ask forgiveness from you, don’t wait anymore.

You have already started to stink. One by one you will lose your family members, your friends and everyone. All will hold their noses and go away because you are not ready to wash the dirt away.

Your enemies have put the dirt on you and you are carrying it. Just let go. Go and tell your enemy ‘I forgive you in Jesus’ name for every hurt, insult and pain you caused in my life. 

Pick your phone and make that phone call or send a message. Tell the person that you are sorry if you have hurt them by any action or behaviour, and for keeping anger against them. 

The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your best friend. If we do not forgive, we cannot escape. We may have an enemy somewhere far away. Even if we leave that place we will not escape. We are victorious, if we forgive our enemies.

Transcribed by Greta Furtado