The Lord’s Prayer, ‘the Our Father’, summarizes the whole Bible. Here we will see the true meaning of this prayer. It is the connection between the Old Testament and the New Testament. It is a messianic prayer.

After teaching the Our Father prayer to his disciples, Jesus repeats one passage i.e. Matthew 6:14-15 – ¹⁴For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; ¹⁵but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Here, we will reflect on and see the practical aspect of this word of God. We will discuss the symptoms of Unforgiveness and how to come out of this unforgiveness. Many people say that they have forgiven their enemies. They have nothing against them in their heart and have no grudge or anger against anyone. But they don’t realize that sometimes the unforgiveness remains hidden in their heart.

How do we know whether we have forgiven our enemies or not? Whether the unforgiveness is hidden in our heart or not?

Here are some of the Symptoms of Unforgiveness:

1. Your reaction when you remember the person:

Perhaps when you were small or young or at any time, somebody hurt you, wounded you or troubled you in any way. Outwardly you feel that you have forgiven that person. When you meet that person, you greet them, you smile and talk to them nicely. So, you feel that you have forgiven that person. But, when you remember that person or when you see that person’s face, how do you feel? You get irritated, troubled, you shiver, you start sweating or your heart beat increases. That is the clear sign that you have not forgiven that person. It means you are still carrying the pain, hurt or wound in your heart. Deep inside your heart, you have not forgiven them unconditionally.

2. Change of Behavior:

When a person hurt you, cheated you or wounded you, your whole attitude changed after that incident. You are not the same person that you were before. You are always sad, gloomy, and unhappy. You do not enjoy your life. You get angry and irritated with everyone very fast. You can no longer laugh with others. The incident has affected you and your behavior has changed since then. That means you have not recovered from that wound and not forgiven that person who hurt you. 

3. Feeling happy on your enemies fall or struggle:

If something happens to your enemy – maybe that person falls into some trouble or falls sick – within your heart you feel happy. You enjoy the fall and the pain of your enemy. You still feel that person should undergo more pain, trouble or tragedies. If you feel happy on the fall of your enemy, it means you have not forgiven that person. You may think you have forgiven the person but in reality you have not.

4. You cannot pray for your enemy:

You may offer the whole Rosary for neighbors, persecuted Christians, strangers or for people of other countries. But when God reminds you of your enemy, it is difficult for you to pray for them. You may want to pray, but find it difficult to do so. With great difficulty you may offer one Hail Mary for that person. You fear that God might listen to your prayer and bless your enemy. When you find difficulty in praying for the people who hurt you, it is a clear sign that there is unforgiveness in your heart.

5. Bursting out your anger on innocents:

When you carry unforgiveness in your heart, you need an outlet for it. You need to explode somewhere. In this process there is a possibility that you may hurt many innocents. Do you have a tendency to get angry very fast and for the simplest of issues and minor things? Suppose you are angry with your boss or seniors and you cannot remove your anger on them. You have to suppress your anger inside you. But when you go home you shout at your innocent child who comes to you. You vent out your anger on those who are close to you; such as your parents, siblings, your respective partners or children. Without any reason you explode on them or get irritated with them. 

You do not want to hurt those whom you love, but you hurt them. Sometimes you may hurt your best friends or close friends and remain good to others. You need to come out of such unforgiveness. Because due to this you hurt more and more people who are close to you. So many innocent people are affected. You are secretly harbouring some hurt feeling, some unforgiveness and venting it out on those whom you love. If you have some unforgiveness, speak to them face to face and clear it out. Do not carry it in your heart. It will disturb you and many people who are close to you.

6. Illusions of taking revenge:

Those who have unforgiveness inside will find it difficult to sleep. They will have disturbed sleep. You will always be day-dreaming about the incident. You will dream of taking revenge on that person. It will be like a movie flashing in your mind. You will imagine you are talking back to the person, hitting them or reacting strongly to them. When you cannot fight with the person who hurt you, you cannot sleep or be happy. So you take pleasure in imagining all this as you could not fight or speak back at that time. You feel victorious in your illusions. You do that again and again because you feel happy in doing so. This is a clear sign that you have not forgiven that person. Some people have this tendency. They do not speak out then and there but do so in their imagination. 

7. Criticizing People:

When you are hurt by someone, you become very critical of people. You start removing all your anger on social media for no reason at all. For e.g. if your father has hurt you immensely, you start hating all father figures. You will hate anyone dictating to you or trying to control you. If your boss comes and shouts at you, you will remember your father and so hate your boss. You will have unforgiveness towards your bosses. This is evident if you have lack of obedience to authority, all authorities are a big burden for you and you hate all authorities. The moment someone dictates terms to you, you react strongly. Otherwise, you are a very good person.

Sometimes people get angry on God because they have lost their loved ones suddenly. They feel God is responsible for that. They hate God, they hate religion and they hate anything connected to God. Such people also hate priests because priests represent God. They irrationally hate all priests even though a priest may have not hurt them. They remove all their anger on priests on social media. They don’t even think for a second before posting bad or derogatory comments on priests. 

If you check on the social media, some people react very badly towards good videos too. They post terrible, attacking, wounding and hurting comments. The moment you see that, it is a clear sign that the person is a wounded person. Such people do not mind wounding anyone – so badly and publicly. These people are carrying a lot of unforgiveness and letting it out on social media. It is a clear sign that there is unforgiveness inside. It is dangerous. When you hate and make bad comments on others, it harms you. Nothing will happen to the other person. 

You will have sleepless nights, depression, health issues, unhappiness etc. It will give you many sicknesses. You can even get cancer. It is medically proven that suppressed unforgiveness can lead to cancer and many other sicknesses. Forgiveness is the best option and the only option for us. God forgave us unconditionally, so we ought to forgive others from our heart. Forgiveness gives you peace and good health.

8. Difficulty in praying and accepting God’s love:

If there is unforgiveness in our hearts, it is very difficult to pray. Even if we pray all the time, we will not feel God’s love. We may say many Rosaries or read the Bible all the time, but we will not feel God’s love within us.  We will not feel the intimacy with God. God cannot reach out to us, if we have any sins or unforgiveness. There is a hidden wall between us and God. There are many blocks between us and God. There can be many reasons for this. But, one of the biggest blocks is unforgiveness – hidden unforgiveness.

Hebrew 12:15

¹⁵See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and through it many become defiled.

Deuteronomy 23: 14

¹⁴For the LORD your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and give your enemies over to you; therefore your camp shall be holy, that He may see no unclean thing among you, and turn away from you.

Many people are in prayer but they do not have that intimacy with God. If any unholiness is there with us, with our family or in the house, God cannot reach out to us. There will be a hidden wall between God and us.

9. Feeling happy when someone gossips about our enemy:

Suppose we have an enemy whom we think we have forgiven. But, whenever anybody gossips about our enemy, we feel happy and enjoy it. We get pleasure in that gossip. We will not justify the person. Even though we know that the content of the gossip is wrong and gossiping is also wrong. We will not say anything. We will keep quiet. We allow the person to gossip. We even add some fuel to that gossip. We want the person to be burnt and consumed by the gossip. We may even spread the gossip through Whatsapp and other social media without involving ourselves. This is a hidden way of taking revenge. It is a clear sign of unforgiveness in our heart. 

10. Self-pity and self-hatred:

Some people may have unforgiveness against somebody because they were abused or wounded or something happened in their past. Maybe they could not help themselves or react at that time. Because of the hatred, they lead themselves into self-pity and self-hatred. They hate themselves. They get angry with themselves. They question themselves as to how this happened to me? How did I allow it to happen? 

They feel people are just using them, they are good for nothing, they have lost everything, etc. They feel everyone is pouncing on them and that they are an instrument of others pleasure. They indulge in self-pity and self-hatred. It is because there is unforgiveness inside. You cannot do justice, you cannot react, you cannot rectify it, therefore you start hating yourself. This is also dangerous. 

11. Replay the same story again and again:

We replay the story again and again in our mind. This tendency is also a symptom of unforgiveness.

12. Addictions due to hurts:

The next symptom is addiction. If you have unforgiveness connected to any abuse, hurt feelings or anything that happened in the past, it may lead to some addiction.  There was a boy who was sexually abused as a child and now he is addicted to some sexual sins. He is unable to come out of it. He is doing it as a result of unforgiveness.

We need to examine whether we have forgiven our enemies from our heart. Now through these symptoms we can find out if we have forgiven our enemies completely. If we go through these symptoms, we may realize that there is hidden unforgiveness inside of many of us.

How to come out of this unforgiveness

Sometimes we forgive people outwardly but we do not forgive them from our heart. We keep it in our mind. We may talk to that person nicely. We might shake hands with them but there is unforgiveness inside.

Matthew 18:34-35

³⁴In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. ³⁵This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.

We need to forgive unconditionally. It is not enough to forgive outwardly, but from our heart. So, we need to know as to how we can forgive from our heart.

1 John 4:20-21

²⁰Those who say, “I love God,” and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. ²¹The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

God says – people who say they love God and they do not love their parents, brothers or sisters, they are liars. Every day, we may say “I love my husband/wife, children. I go to church and pray.” But at the same time you do not speak to your parent, siblings, or neighbor.

Even in church we will not sit besides people we do not like. But we kneel down and pray as if we are soon to be canonised. The word of God says that if you do not love your brother or sister whom you have seen, you cannot love God whom you have not seen. Those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also. So, if you really love God, you must – it is not an option but the only option – love your brothers and sisters. 

John 9:31

³¹We know that God does not listen to sinners, but he does listen to the one who worships him and obeys his will.

If we are sinners with unforgiveness in our heart, our prayers will not reach heaven. Also, unforgiveness blocks the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 4:30-31

³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 

When we receive baptism with the sign of the cross, we are marked with the seal of salvation.  We cannot grieve Holy Spirit who is inside of us.

³¹Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Unforgiveness is a sin against the Holy Spirit. Even though we go for confession and other spiritual activities, we carry unforgiveness within us. This is very dangerous. Our blessings are blocked because we are grieving the Holy Spirit. Remove all the bitterness from inside. We should forgive our enemies and bless them We should pray for them.

Romans 12:20-21

²⁰No, if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads. ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

By forgiving your enemies, you are keeping burning coals on their heads. With this, your enemies will not be able to do anything. So, if they are hungry, feed them. If they need money, give them money. Even if you do not have enough, give them what they need. 

By doing so, you will receive mighty blessings and also keep coals of fire on their head. It will lead them to repentance. 

²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Do not repay an eye for an eye but overcome evil with good. Forgive your enemies.

John 14:24

²⁴Whoever does not love me, does not keep my words; and the word that you hear is not mine, but is from the Father who sent me.

The Lord has told us so many times to forgive; even from the Cross on Mount Calvary. He has told us to forgive 70 times 7. Even in the ‘Our Father’ prayer this message is conveyed. Yet we do not do so. The Lord says “if you do not keep my words, you do not love me”. The Lord says that all those Christians with unforgiveness in their heart do not love Him. 

Those who have unforgiveness inside of them are keeping an evil spirit inside. You are preparing a nice guest room for the evil spirit. Unforgiveness in your heart means you are welcoming the devil in your heart – to stay permanently there till you forgive your enemies. The day you forgive your enemies unconditionally, the devil’s guest room will be destroyed. He will be chased out from your heart. Until then you are carrying, feeding and keeping the devil in your heart.

Ephesians 4:26-27

²⁶Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷and do not make room for the devil.

Be angry but do not sin. When you keep anger and hatred against anybody, you are keeping the devil in a beautiful room in your heart. The devil is crooked and deceiving. Once he gets inside your heart, he will take control of you. One by one every area of your life will be controlled by the devil. 

All the good that you used to do will stop. Every act of charity, compassion and goodness will stop. You will stop praying, attending Holy Mass, confessions and other spiritual activities.

Slowly, your family too will be disunited. There will be divisions in your family. When the devil enters your heart, he prepares rooms for his family members. Till you forgive, the devil remains in your heart. Put him out by forgiving from your heart.

2 Corinthians 2:10-11

¹⁰Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ. ¹¹And we do this so that we may not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

St Paul says “if you forgive someone, I too forgive the person for your sake so that we may not be outwitted by the devil”. We know the devil’s plan. His plan is to instill unforgiveness in us so he can get inside of us. The easiest way for the devil to get inside of us is unforgiveness.

Many people are possessed. Most of the possessions start with unforgiveness. The initial reason of being possessed is usually unforgiveness in the heart.

The devil puts misunderstanding between husband and wife, siblings and parents. Family unity is destroyed by him. The Satan freely moves around and plays his cards well, because the family does not have a prayer life. There is no unity at all in some families. They keep arguing for the simplest of reasons. There are misunderstandings, arguments and hatred among each other. All this unhappiness because we permit the Satan to come in our lives. 

Therefore St Paul says do not keep any unforgiveness in your heart. So that we may not be outwitted by the satan. The cunning and crooked devil wants a foothold in our lives. Once he gets a foothold, he will take over your heart. We know the devil’s plans and the way he works. So do not keep any unforgiveness. Make sure to forgive. Ask forgiveness and forgive everyone unconditionally. Call them and forgive them. Start with your family members. Never doubt the love of your loved ones. If they did not love you, they would not stay with you. They have all the options. 

Even if they do not love you, you forgive them and love them. You will be blessed for it. From today try your best and forgive your enemies. Call them and forgive them unconditionally. Do not justify yourself but justify them. Think of Lord’s words – Forgive them for they do not know what they do.

Romans 12:19

¹⁹Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

If you forgive, God will take care. If you take revenge on your enemies, the Lord will bless them. Therefore, let us remove the sting of unforgiveness from our heart.

Transcribed by Greta Furtado