How to overcome family problems

Complain Less – When you do any work, don’t spend your precious time thinking about how other family members don’t help you, but instead glorify God through your work.

“It is no good offering to God something that is less perfect than our poor human limitations permit. The work that we offer must be without blemish and it must be done as carefully as possible, even in its smallest details, for God will not accept shoddy workmanship. ‘Thou shalt not offer anything that is faulty,’ Holy Scripture warns us, ‘because it would not be worthy of him.’ For that reason, the work of each one of us, the activities that take up our time and energy, must be an offering worthy of our Creator. It must be operatio Dei, a work of God that is done for God: in short, a task that is complete and faultless.” – St. Josemaría Escrivá

Let your focus be on Jesus. Mary was at the feet of Jesus and focusing on him. Martha worried about many things including thinking about why Mary did not help. Remember Luke 10:40 “But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

There are 6 small common issues that nearly all families go through.

1. Disagreement- One of the most common issues facing couples is dealing with children; disagreement with husband/wife, while bringing them up. We hear repeated phrases like “She/he is spoiling the child, she/he doesn’t care” and many more. Children are always the victims of this pressure and suffer the most which means that they don’t end up having positive relations with people including the parents itself. They therefore spend time in front of the computers and other devices to get away from this pressure they get from their parents.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” Parents have got their own dreams, but they should not inflict their dreams on children. God has their dream and plan for them as said in Jeramiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” You should train them in the spiritual way and your child will become what God the Father wants.

Spirituality is one of the main elements to see miracles in their lives as well as yours. Many give their children the best- food, clothes, school, shelter etc however when it comes to religion, some believe it’s their freedom which means that God has no role in bringing up your children. The best gift that you can gift your children is the love of Jesus, introduce Jesus to them but before that, you should know who Jesus is. Then they will be taught by the Lord.

2. Over possessive- Couples can sometimes be possessive about each other for example: always spying, asking questions and wanting control. Some have many restrictions that can be harmful. In case of any confusion, do not use the language of attack but the language of love. If you continue to try and hurt the other even an iron bar can break after being hit at many times. Sometimes the problem is just that one has loads to complain or confusions and the other doesn’t have time to listen. It could be a misunderstanding, which could be solved with some time and discussion. Furthermore, the words that come out of your mouth can make a lasting effect. Remember that winning an argument could lead you to losing a relationship. Therefore, it’s important to be careful talking when angry; you could wait maybe even an hour or even a day or two to resolve the problem with calmness. 1 Corinthians 13:4- “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant”. If you are over possessive in the name of love, it’s not true love but a wound. Questions like – “where were you?” “why were you so late?” “who were you speaking to?” “why was your phone engaged? can be very dangerous and harmful for a relationship.

In addition, transparency is really important to strengthen a marital life. Matthew 19:4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”  This means that you need to leave everything else and be one with your wife. You can of course have friendships, but not excluding your wife/husband anymore because you are one and that’s how God has created you. Marriage is a covenant accepted in front of God. After the marriage you are in spiritual, emotional and physical union. A marriage should be based on spiritual and emotional union and not only physical union.

3. Deciding the number of children- Genesis 1: 28 says “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that move upon the earth.” It is clearly evident that multiplying can be a huge reward as it’s a huge gift from God. There can sometimes be selfishness and rejection of this gift from God and a lack of trust in God’s providence.

4. Disagreement on finance- As mentioned before, transparency is really important and therefore there can be no secrets even if it’s down to money and other financial decisions. Joint accounts are available to use for a reason- that is to be transparent and shared. Remember, you are no longer two but one.

5. Not ready to help with household work- Galatian’s 6:2 says “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” When you have the power and strength, help wherever possible, this will help you with the bigger overcoming tasks which will need both.

“Many people begin, but few finish. And we, who are trying to behave as God’s children, have to be among those few. Remember that only work that is well done and lovingly completed deserves the praise of the Lord which is to be found in Holy Scripture: ‘better is the end of a task than its beginning’.” – St. Josemaría Escrivá

6. Tendency to degrade their life partner in front of their children and family members-   Remember that this means that you are insulting Jesus and hurting God, God hates this. 1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Conclusion- In order to overcome all these family issues, Matthew 6:33- “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”. Strive for the kingdom of God like Mother Mary did and all the other things will be taken care of by God.

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